“When you wish upon a Star you’re asking for a dying fart to care.” Capricorn-birth sign clover-rising moon-eat smeg-time of birth-your parents are paying for dinner right? But hey. The moon doesn’t give a fuck about you, Bigfoot buries their dead and if you blame mars for anything you’re an actual fart. We’re all sad. #marspisson #captureajesus #godballs #wishboner
When I was nothing more than a sapling I had a yellow haired troll that sat up on my shelf. I held this troll in the highest of regards and refused to touch his belly button in fear of wasting my wish. But there was one night. The braves had just one the cup, and the dolphins had just left. I grabbed my bejeweled belly friend and made this wish: “dear creepy tan doll with no toenails. All I ask is that I find the one. The one who makes my belly tingle and my tonsils jingle” and good god damn what do you know, that shelf pervert made it happen. So don’t give up kids, you can drink one day.
